In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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