I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I smell stomach acid.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
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