Too much gin, very little bucket
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
