I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
