Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
