your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
