Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
