Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
