just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
