It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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