I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
