I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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