Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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