I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
