I CAN MOONWALK!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
