I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
