I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
