i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
