So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
