Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
