That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
