if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
