Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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