i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
