just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
