glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
