yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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