At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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