dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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