Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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