New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
