i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
