You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
