The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
