Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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