be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
