You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
