Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
