the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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