the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
