You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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