Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
