haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
