as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
