She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
