Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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