At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
