I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
