I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
