note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
