Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
